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    Stonewall Stories
Going Home Again!

You've heard the old saying, "You can never go home again". It means things change. Once a period of time in your life has passed, you cannot create it or experience it again.

I'm sure there is much truth in that saying, but for my dear childhood friends and me this isn't the case. For the past eight years, we have met up as a group of 6 women at least twice a year. During these visits, we revert back to the people we were when we were teenagers and younger.

These gatherings have more of a family feel to them than a friendship feel. We all grew up together knowing each others parents and siblings and next door neighbors. We know each others strengths and weaknesses--and love each other unconditionally. No putting on airs with each other because we knew each other when!

But you know what the best part is? The best part is how we have not changed at all. We act the same goofy ways we did as children. As the visit goes on, the twang of our accents (we are from Big Spring, TX) becomes more and more pronounced. Somehow we are all youthful again!

In this ezine, I will write about the importance of Pre-Marital Counseling before getting married. Jimmy Owen and I will be giving our Couple Communication Workshop at the end of September. And I will answer a Dear Candy Letter about Couples with age differences.

If you have family or friends whom you think can benefit from this ezine, please forward it on to them.

Lastly, if Stonewall Behavioral Health or I can help you in any way, please contact us.  214-521-1278



Couple Communication Workshop

 Candy Marcum and Jimmy Owen will be offering this popular workshop. The format for the workshop is 8 hours in 2 hour increments over 4 days. The dates of the workshop are:

 Friday, September 25th, 5:00pm-7:00pm
 Saturday, September 26th, 10:00am -Noon
 Friday, October 2nd, 5:00pm-7:00pm
 Saturday, October 3rd, 10:00am-Noon

Each workshop will be limited to 6 couples. The price is $440 per couple which includes the cost of the Couple Communication Packet. The Packet consists of:
  • 2 Collaborative Skills Workbooks (one book for each partner)
  • 2 Skills Mats (one for talking, the other for listening)
  • 2 Sets of 4 Pocket Cards to prompt skill use
  • 2 Awareness Wheel Pads
Communication is the key to happy, healthy relationships. Good communication consists of learned skills. This workshop will teach you the skills you need to help resolve conflict by speaking for yourself and listening to your partner.

We learned how to communicate by watching how our parents communicate--and therein lies the problem!

Come learn how to better understand yourself and communicate that awareness to your partner. By listening to your partner, you will come to understand what makes him/her tick and why conflicts arise.

Look at your calendar and give Candy a call. 214-521-1278. She'll visit with you and your partner about the next steps to take to sign up for this remarkable workshop. You deserve to experience the love and satisfaction that can be found in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Communication skills can help make that happen.

Remember space is limited. Call today.

Why Do We Need Pre-Marital Counseling?

Premarital counseling helps partners improve their ability to communicate, set realistic expectations for marriage and develop conflict-resolution skills. In addition, premarital counseling can help couples establish a positive attitude about seeking help down the road.

Through premarital counseling, couples are encouraged to discuss topics related to marriage, such as:

  • Finances
  • Communication
  • Beliefs and values
  • Roles in marriage
  • Affection and sex
  • Children and parenting
  • Family relationships
  • Decision-making
  • Dealing with anger
  • Time spent together

Keep in mind that you bring your own values, opinions and history into a relationship, and they might not always match your partner's. In addition, many people go into marriage believing it will fulfill their social, financial, sexual and emotional needs — and that's not always the case. By discussing differences and expectations before marriage, you and your partner can better understand and support each other during marriage.

Early intervention is important because the risk of divorce is highest early in marriage.

"Dear Candy"       
Dear Candy —
I have a question...I have always been attracted to young guys normally between 10 to 20 years younger than me.  I am 47 years old.  Lots of reasons but mainly that I am attractive to their youth and energy which helps to keep me young at heart.
It seems that each time I have dated someone 10 or even 20 years younger they enjoy our relationship and the security it brings for 4 to 10 years until they reach their early 30's and decides to move on for one reason or another...normally the "itch".
I believe I know and understand the cycles of life with ages as I have been through a few relationships but I hate this pattern and don't want to be in my mid-50's and go through another breakup and to have to start over when I'm trying to find someone to share my golden years.
I believe that I really should be pursuing older more stable people.  What are your thoughts?  Where can I meet the single young hearted older guy (5 to 10 years younger than me) that are not involved with all the social media websites (if you know what I mean), not into circuit scenes, or have lot of baggage that everyone knows of when you go to social events whether fundraisers or bar for a drink??
Or do I continue to take those chances in life with the much younger at heart until I find the "true love" I am looking for?
Forever a hopeless romantic loveable guy,

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for writing this letter to me as many readers will have similar questions. Also good for you to be able to see you are in a heart breaking pattern and want to change that.

What is the allure between an older and younger person? I would like to answer that question from a psychological point of view rather than a romantic point of view.

This situation usually exits on a subconscious level for each person--the older one and the younger one. For the younger person, it is about financial, emotional and physical stability. For the older person, it is about power and control.

The younger person sees a future where there will be no concerns financially and they will be safe and secure. Of course, eventually the younger person grows up and matures and wants to be in control of their own life and make their own decisions. Much like a family system, the children grow up and leave the family in order to start their own families.

The older person does not see their relationship as one of power or control. They see the two of them as equals. But the reality is power in a relationship is defined by age, experiences, education and money. Money being the largest definer of power. The older person thinks the younger person will never leave him due to the younger person's dependency on him for money and stability. But as said before, most people grow up and leave.

On the surface, it may seem safer to have a relationship with a younger person because of the power differential. Being with an equal may seem risky. Why would an equal be interested in me? I have nothing to give them that they cannot get for themselves.

Take a risk. Start dating men closer to your age. I think you will find that the benefits of being a part of a powerful couple.

Good luck!


Send a Dear Candy email to Candy and she'll answer your question here in this E-Zine. It will be of interest to Stonewall Stories readers. Send it to:  In the subject line write: Dear Candy. Your personal identity will be anonymous.

 Stonewall Behavioral Health (SBH) was established in 1983 to meet the emotional and mental health needs of the GLBT Community of North Texas. Since that time, SBH has met and continues to meet the needs of its stakeholders by providing: professional counseling, supervision for professional licensure in counseling, trainings and workshops in communication for organizations/individuals and being a source of speakers and writers. Our expertise is historically bound to the gay/lesbian/bi/transgender movement and beyond. As an organization, we continue to grow, learn and teach.
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