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    Stonewall Stories
Learning New Tricks!


How does that saying go? You can't teach on old dog new tricks. Well, I'm here to say this isn't so! Stay with me on this.

My book club spent a long weekend in Savannah this summer. We had a wonderful time. We all lodged together in a 6 bedroom condo. We took several tours of Savannah. Having read the book, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, we took a tour based on the book. On this tour we saw the sites that were presented in the book. We also spent time at the beautiful and old Bonaventure Cemetery.

The tour that represents the saying above was the Segway Tour we took of the park squares of Savannah.( Segway - a self-balancing personal transportation device with two wheels; can operate in any level pedestrian environment).

I had never seen much less operated a Segway. The tour started out with a video about the dangers of riding a Segway. This did nothing to instill confidence in my "learning a new trick" saying. Nonetheless, my courageous book club members and I donned our helmets, said a quick prayer and took off on the Segway Tour of Savannah's Park Squares!!  It was a blast. For me the best part was challenging myself to try something new and succeeding. And, doing this all with my special Book Club friends.

In this ezine, I will list the characteristics of a healthy relationship.

Jimmy Owen and I will be presenting our popular Couple Communication Workshop the last weekend this month and the first weekend in August.

I will also answer a Dear Candy Letter about Serial Monogamy . If you have a situation or question for me, please send it to me and I'll include it in the next Stonewall Stories ezine.

If you have family or friends whom you think can benefit from this ezine, please forward it on to them.

Lastly, if Stonewall Behavioral Health or I can help you in any way, please contact us.  214-521-1278

Sincerely,

Candy

Couple Communication Workshop

 Candy Marcum and Jimmy Owen will be offering this popular workshop. The format for the workshop is 8 hours in 2 hour increments over 4 days. The dates of the workshop are:

 Friday, July 31st, 5:00pm-7:00pm
 Saturday, August 1st, 10:00am -Noon
 Friday, August 7th, 5:00pm-7:00pm
 Saturday, August 8th, 10:00am-Noon
 

YOU AND YOUR PARTNER MUST BE ABLE TO ATTEND ALL FOUR DAYS!
 
Each workshop will be limited to 6 couples. The price is $440 per couple which includes the cost of the Couple Communication Packet. The Packet consists of:
  • 2 Collaborative Skills Workbooks (one book for each partner)
  • 2 Skills Mats (one for talking, the other for listening)
  • 2 Sets of 4 Pocket Cards to prompt skill use
  • 2 Awareness Wheel Pads
Communication is the key to happy, healthy relationships. Good communication consists of learned skills. This workshop will teach you the skills you need to help resolve conflict by speaking for yourself and listening to your partner.

We learned how to communicate by watching how our parents communicate--and therein lies the problem!

Come learn how to better understand yourself and communicate that awareness to your partner. By listening to your partner, you will come to understand what makes him/her tick and why conflicts arise.

Look at your calendar and give Candy a call. 214-521-1278. She'll visit with you and your partner about the next steps to take to sign up for this remarkable workshop. You deserve to experience the love and satisfaction that can be found in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Communication skills can help make that happen.

Remember space is limited. Call today.

What Do Healthy Relationships Look Like?

15 Traits of a Healthy Relationship by Dr. Nancy Wesson
  1. Partners can manage conflict and differences without despair or threats.
  2. Both partners protect and nourish the relationship and make it a priority (not addicted to work for example).
  3. Both partners know how to be responsible for own needs and also for the care of the relationship.
  4. Both partners feel “special” to the other. Arguments or fights do not lead to abuse or threatened break-ups.
  5. Both partners can communicate wants, needs, feelings, and emotional issues with little or no shame.
  6. There is unconditional love if not unconditional agreement.
  7. The relationship feels and is nurturing, comfortable, and fun.
  8. Both partners attend to the needs of each other willingly and lovingly.
  9. The sexual relationship works well and is mutually satisfying.
  10. Both partners can and do keep agreements (maturity).
  11. Both partners are honest.
  12. There is no abuse: physical, verbal, emotional (ignoring).
  13. Both partners have boundaries:

    • Each person can say “no” to requests from partner when necessary without feeling guilty and tell their partner when something feels not right or hurts them.
    • People pleasing is kept to a minimum and neither one feels they are making a “great sacrifice” to stay in the relationship. Each person is able to do their work, attend to their children, care for other aspects of their life without threatening the relationship.
  14. Partners can hear feedback from each other that they may be projecting old relationship fears or issues onto the current relationship.
  15. There is commitment: exits are blocked in the relationship.
"Dear Candy"       
Dear Candy —
 
My relationships last about 3 years. As soon as the bloom wears down, I am ready to move on. At first it is wonderful, romantic and highly sexual. I cannot wait to get home from work to see my new partner. After a couple of years, we begin to bicker. By the third year, I feel suffocated - this results in a split.

I do not understand why I cannot tolerate another person after 3 years. I would love to meet one person and settle down forever. Can you help?

Bewildered

Dear Bewildered,

I know it is painful to think you've found the person with whom you can share your life only to have it end after three short years.

You have good insight to be able to spot a pattern; the cycle of serial monogamy. Because you are single at this moment in time, it is an excellent time to stop dating and take the introspective journey.

I would advise you to commit to not dating for at least 3 months. Being single is not a destination, rather a way station --a destination between two stopping places. Your goal during this time will be to search within to see what you are doing to cause the choices you are making.

I would strongly advise you to take this introspective journey with a Licensed Professional Counselor. They can help you spot your blind spots and help you find self understanding and self acceptance. This in turn will help you identify a long term partner.

Good luck!

Candy
 
Send a Dear Candy email to Candy and she'll answer your question here in this E-Zine. It will be of interest to Stonewall Stories readers. Send it to: Candy@CandyMarcum.com  In the subject line write: Dear Candy. Your personal identity will be anonymous.

 Stonewall Behavioral Health (SBH) was established in 1983 to meet the emotional and mental health needs of the GLBT Community of North Texas. Since that time, SBH has met and continues to meet the needs of its stakeholders by providing: professional counseling, supervision for professional licensure in counseling, trainings and workshops in communication for organizations/individuals and being a source of speakers and writers. Our expertise is historically bound to the gay/lesbian/bi/transgender movement and beyond. As an organization, we continue to grow, learn and teach. www.stonewall-inc.com
 
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