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Awesome friend,


Wow, what a week and month it’s been.  While on one hand I can say it’s so lovely to be here speaking with you again, on the other I know this isn’t what any of us had planned at all… What was meant to happen, was the return of our beautiful Jess in the new year filling your inbox with weekly nuggets of love and wisdom. Gosh she missed you and was so looking forward to coming back. Now I am left with this feeling like a piece of me is missing, a piece that I will never get back, I know you feel it too. However, Jess would constantly remind me that Everything is Always Unfolding Perfectly and now more than ever, I need to trust that there is truth in that.

The reason for me being back in your inbox is to thank you for all of your messages of love and support to myself and Jess’ family. I was hoping to reply to you all individually however for now please let me share with you what’s been going on with me and a little more insight into the last months of Jess’ time with us …
 
This year has stripped me of the one thing that brought magic to every other aspect of my life. I have been taken to a place so foreign and unknown with no navigational bearing on how to get back. Loved ones tell me to be strong during this time… but the thing is I don’t want to be strong… I want to cry when I’m sad, yell when I’m angry and smile during those fleeting moments of happiness brought on by the memories we created together. I want to sit in silence and be present with every single emotion that decides to show up. It’s in those moments that I feel closest to her.
 
I also believe that emotion is just ‘energy-in-motion’ and it is so important to feel whatever’s going on in the body. If we try to push it down, never giving it the release it desires, it tends to show up later in our life, 10-fold. I can’t begin to explain how good it feels to express this. For when you start unpacking all of your fears and worries you restore balance to the body, allowing your true light to shine through.
 
Jess loved being so open with you and wearing her heart on her sleeve. As you know, the last 12 months of her life were the hardest. Just months after losing her beloved mum, Jess started noticing signs that her cancer was returning. It was a challenging time but of course she never gave up. Even until her last breath five weeks ago.
 
So let me fill you in a little more. As you may remember, in her last letter to you Jess wrote:
 
“I’ve spent my time doing lots of research into treatment options. I’ve been speaking to doctors, healers, and specialists and I’ve been completely opening myself up to attracting the right people who will help me heal - whether they are from the natural medicine world or conventional. My beliefs have been completely shaken up and I’ve had to drop any remnants of fear and ego that were preventing me from exploring these options sooner. I’ve discovered that when we completely close ourselves off from something, the universe will sure enough give us an experience that makes us see that everything has a place. It’s been completely eye-opening and very, very humbling.
 
I believe that as a result of my willingness to stop controlling my healing path and surrender to whatever the universe has up its sleeves to help me, I’ve attracted the most amazing healing team. I’m working with an oncologist who is kind, caring and non-judgemental - completely unlike any of the specialists I worked with in the early days of my journey. When we are open and in a state of surrender, the right people/situations/tools will appear. Final decisions and plans are now in process and I’ll keep you in the loop in the new year.”
 
The plan for us was simple (it’s been the same since the start) - To do what ever the body needs to give it the best chance to fully heal. Before Christmas we were so relieved to receive scans confirming that the cancer had not spread beyond the original area. I actually smiled when our oncologist said ‘what ever you’ve been doing for the past 7 years seems to have been working’.
 
This was fantastic news however the fungating tumour in Jess’s shoulder had become large and painful. For the first time, Jess’ ability to enjoy her favourite things like walking our furbabies on the beach was becoming difficult.

After carefully discussing all options with oncologists, healers and specialists around the world, Jess was offered targeted radiation as the best option with a 50/50 possibility of improving her quality of life or limiting it further. This was a risky and tough decision but Jess bravely embraced this last chance option.
 
 
In true wellness warrior style, we integrated our natural healing regime with the recommend radiation. Finally the walls were broken down between conventional and unconventional medicine - I don’t know why as a society we feel we must choose one or the other. This was something Jess was looking forward to sharing with you. It was an exciting evolution from her earlier days of feeling that she had to be part of one extreme world or the other (After all, if everyone is striving towards the same goal, doesn’t it make sense that we all work together).
 
The next 6 weeks were some of the toughest we had experienced, both mentally and physically. All the while Jess displayed a sense of courage and grace that I am yet to see in anybody else I have ever met – myself included.  She was so thankful to the nurses who helped change her dressings and spoke so positively about her treating oncologist. Jess felt looked after by them alongside her nutritional and spiritual healers. Finally we had a truly integrative team. Something I wish for everyone experiencing cancer.
 
Right up until the last day of her life, Jess was sitting up in the hospital bed with her best friends giggling and drinking green juice. Talking about upcoming wedding plans and future names for our babies. She never gave up and always had hope.
 
While the radiation did appear to shrink the large tumour mass, some complications arose during the final stages of the treatment. Not long after, the words I LOVE YOU would leave from my lips only to fall softly upon Jess’s ears for the last time.  I said good-bye to the love of my life that day and my heart has been in a million pieces since.
 
There has been a lot of finger pointing lately, people wanting to lay blame for personal choices others have made. I am not here to add to this confusion.  At the end of the day we all have the right to choose how we live this life, and ultimately how we leave it.
 
Unconventional medicine has come under fire lately, even to the point where family members are blamed for supporting a loved ones chosen healing path. But to me this ignites the horrendous topic of blaming family members when the choices of conventional medicine have also failed – in this version of reality how does anybody win?
 
Only now looking back do we realise that Jess wasn’t just here to learn, she was here to teach. Her message is far greater than that of a girl living with an illness. I believe her real message was to learn how to thrive in your current situation no matter what life throws at you.  That is her legacy and the message we will carry moving forward.  This all stems from the source of pure love of oneself and when you come from a place of deep, abiding self love, you free yourself of anything detrimental to your health and happiness – food, people, things, situations and everything that draws you down and away from your true self.  
 
Jess showed me what it means to live in a world full of love, and I sincerely wish you experience this level of happiness too. Even in her death Jess continues to teach us. She is now more powerful than ever, and if at times you find yourself feeling lost, simply call on his angel for her guidance and support.
 
 
So where to from here…
 
We experienced our first ever #BlessedByJess. A day where we honor our inspirational leader Jess Ainscough, simply by honoring ourselves. I personally loved hearing your stories – from something as simple as drinking a green juice, all the way up to transforming your entire lifestyle.  We’ve got some cool ideas for this in the near future so stay tuned. If you have any ideas too, please let us know.
 
This year we will be working with Jess’ beloved book publishers Hay House on the Jess Ainscough Writers Scholarship, which will award aspiring wellness authors the opportunity to publish their book in the spirit of Jess. With the help of Yvette Luciano from Earth HQ, we will help shape their careers and extend their message in the same way I will always miss working with Jess.
 
The money you kindly donated in lieu of flowers is helping Edgars mission to build a new Piggy Paradise. A brand new sanctuary for rescue pigs and we all know how much Jess loved her squishy nosed friends.
 
Finally as requested Jess’s beloved blog will return, (insert screams of joy), once more filling your days with insights and tips on how you can become the bestest, brightest, shiniest version of yourself. I’m in the midst of finalising some big changes that Jess and I were working on during the break. It’s really beautiful, I can’t wait for you to see what she created. Thank you for your patience on this.
 
Finally, thank you for your kindness, thank you for your support and thank you for your love - I feel it every day and hope you know what a positive difference you have made to both Jess’ and my life.
 
I hope you have a wonderful Easter surrounded by loved ones and I will chat with you again very soon.

Be Kind. Be Brave. Be Free.

Tallon and the Wellness Warrior team
xx
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