Beauty [1]
Growing up, I was always slim, skinny some would say.
The standard perception of beauty for a Black woman was to be thick. So I tried to be that, thick. There were so many tricks in the book that was said to work: eat lots of white bread and get it hit from the back being the 2 I remember most and tried. I didn't get any bigger. I've been called Mawga (Mah-gah) by my mom before, meaning skinny in Jamaican patois. It seemed like it was just horrible to be a black woman and not be thick. I wanted to be thick, but at some point along my journey gave up the idea. When I went to college I worked out and squatted more, sometimes with weights and sometimes without it. Instead of getting thick through sex and bread the new way to get thick was in the gym so I tried it lol. I wasn't consistent with it though, but I do think going to the gym helped my booty shape a bit lol. But again I gave up the idea of getting thick, at some point I began liking my body. I loved how I looked in swimsuits. I didn't have big titties and a huge ass and had no desire to get surgery. I didn't wanna look like how everyone else was starting to look Big breasts, big ass but from the surgery table. No shade to anyone, just not my thing. I wanted to look like me. I said affirmations about my beauty like I am beautiful like I am gorgeous like I am sexy and I still do say affirmations about my beauty and how I look. For me, looking into the mirror, observing myself and my body, and saying good things about it has helped my self-concept. Dressing myself in clothes that make me feel good about my look has helped me to feel good. I actually feel beautiful. If I had to put a timer on it, I think I began really feeling this way when I was 28. It took time to grow in my confidence about how I looked, to embrace my body, and really love it. It also took ritual, spiritual self-love rituals to help me see and feel how beautiful I really am.

-Olanikee, Founder of SelfishBabe

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