Welcome to my monthly coaching e-newsletter. Inspiring people to be more alive and effective in their work is my passion, and this newsletter is another tool in the service of that passion. The purpose of this ezine is to disseminate ideas, insights, tools and tips that may assist you in creating extraordinary growth in your personal and professional lives.
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In the last several communication workshops and team buildings I've done, the popular subject of "gossiping" has come up - repeatedly.
First, let's define gossip: I believe it's anything you say about another person that you would not say to their face. We often rationalize our gossip by saying "I'm just venting, or processing". It's still gossip.
There are many consequences to our engaging in this verbal exercise. First, the gossip is often negative or even nasty - and that brings everyone's mood down, even though it can be a juicy social experience! Most importantly, you label yourself as someone who is unsafe, petty. People almost always wonder "What is he/she saying about me when I am not present?" Other fallout in the workplace includes conflict, hurt feelings, and rumors running rampant.
First, let's acknowledge that gossiping is human and commonplace. It meets our needs to be included, be "in the know", to be special, to be right, and sometimes to get revenge when we feel we have been wronged. Here are some guidelines:
Before you open your mouth - check your intention. The only green light would be using this discussion to get help in identifying a solution to deal with the issue or person. Be honest with yourself.
There is no trivial comment (verbal or nonverbal) ever made by a leader. Every comment is noticed and given meaning. Never, never speak negatively about any other member of your management team or ANY employee. This includes nonverbal gestures like eye rolling or heavy sighs when the person's name is mentioned. People will be eager to talk about your negative judgements and they will spread faster than a virus.
If you hear what sounds like a rumor, gently ask the person if they have "checked it out" with the source or would be willing to do so. Stop feeding the rumor mill.
If you are with someone or a group and the talk turns to bad-mouthing someone else, politely excuse yourself (gotta go!) or gently say something like "I'm uncomfortable talking about _______ when they are not here. Let's change the subject". LIstening to gossip perpetuates it - silence doesn't count.
Let's all take a stand for more respectful communication - enhance your reputation as a classy person!
Some groups have agreed to the following ground rule: When you gossip, you must acknowledge it to the person about whom you gossiped. "Bob, I gossiped about you this morning and this is what I said. . ." If your team doesn't want to play by this ground rule, you could always adopt it for yourself. I guarantee it will force you to greater conscious! You will be very careful about what you say.
I invite you to participate in an experiment. For the next two weeks refrain from gossiping or entertaining gossip about ANYONE. If you violate this, your two weeks starts over! Be impeccable.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The next "Reset for Excellence" will be March 31st - April 3 in Bellingham. You can register for the best personal and professional effectiveness course out there (IMHO) by calling 715-0105 or online.
"Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true." Robert Brault
"Improve relationships with others by assuming that they can hear everything you say about them". Stephen R. Covey
"Small people talk about others. Big people talk about events. Great people talk about ideas." Unknown.
I will be leading a four hour workshop "Money Wisdom" on May 7th from 9-1 PM. This is an opportunity to uncover your unconscious beliefs and assumptions about money that are holding you back from creating financial abundance. You can registered by calling 715-0105.
I provide the following SERVICES to individuals and businesses:
On-site management, leadership, and organizational coaching
Facilitation of groups and retreats
Conflict mediation in the workplace
Customized business workshops on communication skills and emotional intelligence:
• "Courageous Communications in the Workplace"
• "The Manager as Coach"
• "Transforming Performance Reviews"
• "Dealing with Challenging Co-workers and Clients"
• "Staying Alive While Making a Living"
• "Navigating the White Water of Change"
• "The Questions are the Answers"
• Communication Styles: Understanding Each Other
I am now licensed to provide the "Coaching Clinic"in-house for managers and supervisors. This is an internationally acclaimed two-day course that provides hands-on training for managers in the skill of coaching employees.
Coaching is a wise investment of time and money in your life or the life of your organization. It is challenging and requires commitment. If you are in charge of your life, ready to move quickly, and are willing to invest in your future, contact me. We can discuss your situation and how coaching could help you, your organization or your employees get extraordinary results in 2011.
Janet Ott, Coach, Facilitator, Educator
"Your Success is My Business"
2107 Lummi Shore Road
Bellingham, WA 98226