Symbiosis ≠ Compromise
I love to mow the lawn.
It helps that our lawn is tiny, and even when it’s overgrown, it can’t take but 20 minutes to mow it.
The garden bed that my son had cleared for me was now knee-high in clover and spearmint.
Brian said, You know, before you mow, you could dig through here and pick the spearmint. You could harvest that.
Of course, he said. It’s up to you.
I said, I like how it smells when I mow it, and also, I have a ton of Spearmint in the front garden.
Okay, he said.
I mowed around the garden, and I thought of something that I bad read in the New York Times Vows Section. A bride had handed her groom a note that said “Symbiosis does not mean compromise.”
When I read it, I felt a little bite in my heart.
Of course, Brian and I compromise. Sometimes we compromise past the point where it’s healthy.
What does that mean? Symbiosis does not mean compromise.
I thought about the spearmint.
Ugh, I didn’t want to pick it. I would be compromising if I picked it. He would be compromising if I chose not to. He was busy packing us for our sailing trip, and couldn’t stop to pick it himself.
I consulted Inner Me.
Do you have to make every little thing a sign of your relationship? She asked.
Then do you have to make it always about power?
This is power. Your power to choose. His power to ask. Does it have to be about that?
What can it be about?
Tribute. I said. Pleasure.
Yes. She said. You get to decide what something means to you, and you get to see how that exists in context to your mate.
So I picked the spearmint, a whole armful, and I brought it in like a bouquet and left it on the kitchen counter.
And later we plucked the leaves together, and he made tea.
Symbiosis does not mean compromise. It means understanding the urges that bubble up in the tiny points of conflict. It’s not about me or him or power.
He felt loved. It was easy. It wasn’t a compromise. It was something completely different.
Our July Charity!
is Pacific Honored Artists, Musicians and Entertainers.
PHAME is the Portland region’s fine and performing arts organization serving adults with developmental disabilities.
It's one of the only programs in the country where adults with developmental disabilities can participate in a community that supports their artistic endeavors!
Phame makes a difference in the lives of hundreds of people, every year.
Check them out here.
|Wise Woman Weekend
Our First Retreat!
I’m thrilled to announce the first Intuitive Bridge Retreat.
I hope that you will gather with me in Ocean Park, Washington to play, learn and relax at the beautiful Beach Wood Estate!
This weekend experience is designed to enable us to source our wisdom, to play with our intuition and to celebrate our brilliance, the multi-faceted gorgeousness that is womanhood.
Please join me and 11 other women as we celebrate our wise.
October 12-14, 2012
Ocean Park Washington
Click HERE for More Info