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Conversations with Candy

Welcome 2016

Like many of you, I believe 2016 will be a very good year. 2015 was a good year for me from beginning to end. I can't say that about every year, but 2015 was a good one for me. I spent quality time with my partner, our Book Club, my Big Spring Girls, my office mates and my family.

I am grateful for the good health I enjoyed, the work done with my clients and my work with the North Texas GLBT Chamber of Commerce. All in all, 2015 has propelled me to believe the best is yet to come in 2016.

What we think, we bring toward us. Please join me in creating positive vibes for 2016.

In this ezine, there is an article about connecting with others. I'll announce the next Couple Communication Workshop that happens at the end of this month. I will answer a Dear Candy Letter about living with a partner who has OCD behavior. Lastly, I will include information about the new Gay Men's Group that is forming.

If you have family or friends whom you think can benefit from this ezine, please forward it on to them.

Lastly, if Stonewall Behavioral Health or I can help you in any way, please contact us.  214-521-1278



Couple Communication Workshop

 Jimmy Owen and I will be offering this popular workshop. The format for the workshop is 8 hours in 2 hour increments over 4 days. The dates of the workshop are:

 Friday, January 29th, 5:00pm-7:00pm
 Saturday, January 30th, 10:00am -Noon
 Friday, February 5th, 5:00pm-7:00pm
 Saturday, February 6th, 10:00am-Noon

Each workshop will be limited to 4 couples. The price is $440 per couple which includes the cost of the Couple Communication Packet. The Packet consists of:
  • 2 Collaborative Skills Workbooks (one book for each partner)
  • 2 Skills Mats (one for talking, the other for listening)
  • 2 Sets of 4 Pocket Cards to prompt skill use
  • 2 Awareness Wheel Pads
Communication is the key to happy, healthy relationships. Good communication consists of learned skills. This workshop will teach you the skills you need to help resolve conflict by speaking for yourself and listening to your partner.

We learned how to communicate by watching how our parents communicate--and therein lies the problem!

Come learn how to better understand yourself and communicate that awareness to your partner. By listening to your partner, you will come to understand what makes him/her tick and why conflicts arise.

Look at your calendar and give me a call. 214-521-1278. I'll visit with you and your partner about the next steps to take to sign up for this remarkable workshop. You deserve to experience the love and satisfaction that can be found in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Communication skills can help make that happen.

Remember space is limited. Call today.

10 Tips for Connecting with Others

E. Brooks Moore

The English Poet, John Donne, wrote that “No man is an Island, entire of itself…”  As such, we all need friends and contacts to be happy and successful in both life and business.

Connecting with people seldom happens on it’s own.  If you want to enhance the process and build a network of personal friends and professional connections you’ll need to do a little work.

Below are 10 tips for helping make those connections:

1. It all starts with you.  Be open, friendly, happy and positive.  People who appear happy are more attractive to others.  The image and impression you project can enhance or degrade your ability to make lasting connections.  Trust others with information about yourself, so that they can trust you.  Be genuine and real.

2. You are what you do.  Trust is easily lost and almost impossible to regain.  Call when you say you’re going to call.  Show up when you say you’re going to show up.  Be the person you want them to know.

3. Take it at face value. Even if you have alternative motives for meeting someone, don’t let those motives own you.  People who are in any position of power or prestige are often very cautious about meeting new people.  They always ask themselves the question, “What do they want?”  Initially you shouldn’t want anything more then a successful connection.

4. Respect and confidence.  Respect yourself, respect them and have confidence in your abilities.  This may come across in many ways, a firm handshake, eye-to-eye contact or focusing on what they’re saying. Be sure to listen.  Confirm you’re listening and interested by your follow-on questions and statements.

5. Be honest at all cost.  Lies will eventually catch up to you and when they do they will almost certainly damage your reputation and the connection.  Plus trying to keep up ongoing lies is hard work.

6. Be value added.  If you want a solid connection with someone you will need to convince them that you offer value for them as they offer value for you.  The values need not be the same or equal.  If there is perceived two-way value the connection will often grow and mature.

7. Don’t drop the ball after you’re in the game.  Once you’ve made the initial connection with someone keep in touch with them.  If you don’t, then tip number two comes into play.  They will be told by your actions that you don’t really care enough to maintain contact.

8. Practice your skills.  Good musicians, good athletes and good communicators all have one thing in common. They practice and hone their skills.  Always look to improve yourself.  Video tape yourself in conversation and then watch it.  Take notes of objectionable things you may do.  Practice, practice, improve!  You have to sell yourself with your communications skills.

9.  Have your bags packed.  You never know when an opportunity to meet someone important will present itself.  Be ready mentally and physically.  Look your best and have your A-Game ready.

10. Extend your reach.  Opportunities are often short lived. Even when it’s scary you have to venture forward.  You have to extend yourself outside of your comfort zone.  That’s often where the real gains are.  Rehearse unusual circumstances and your reaction to them in your mind.

Gay Men's Group

Stonewall Behavioral Health announces the formation of a Gay Men's Group. This Group is called an open process group. There is no theme or requirement except to self identify as a Gay Male. Men have been asking for this kind of support group.

This group focuses on ways in which members relate to one another and how their particular relational styles can at different times create increased intimacy or distance with others.

Click below to learn more about this Gay Men's Group.


"Dear Candy"       
Dear Candy,
I’m crazy about this really hot girl. She is perfect but has this one odd habit. When she wants to relax, she cuddles a pillow and pinches it until pieces pull off (kind of like plucking a chicken). It has become an unsightly glob of a pillow so I have tossed it into a closet or under the bed. She gets freaked when she can’t find it and insists she needs it to relax. I’m tired of finding little pieces of the pinching pillow scattered around the apartment and am tempted to “inadvertently” put it in the trash. Do you think it would be okay if I played dumb or should I fess up? Maybe I can replace it with something harder to destroy. Other ideas?
Dear Crazed,
Yes, your hot girl friend does have an odd habit. We all have our own unique ways of dealing with our anxiety—some healthier than others. I like it that your disapproval of her compulsion to “pluck” her pillow is about the mess and not about her. You have a loving and accepting attitude about her as a person. Instead of playing dumb and hiding her pillow, why don’t you sit down and talk to her about what bothers you about the pillow plucking behavior. I bet you two can come up with a way to either find pillows that don’t shed or find a neater way to handle the shedding (such as “picking” over a trash bag and putting the pillow where you won’t have to look at it). The important thing is your willingness to talk to her about this without judging her.

Good luck!


Send a Dear Candy email my way and I'll answer your question here in my E-Zine. I know it will be of interest to Conversations with Candy readers. Send it to:  In the subject line write: Dear Candy. I will keep your personal identity anonymous.

Candy Marcum has been counseling, training, writing, supervising and advising people since 1981. She has a special way of touching people's lives that positively transforms them. Her passion, professionalism, enthusiasm and people skills have helped guide her in her life's work as a healer.
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