Until I studied in depth what the Bible has to say about divorce, I didn't know how to advise couples Biblically on the issues surrounding divorce and remarriage. This month I am sharing what I learned, in hopes it will encourage you to work hard for your marriage. When is it okay to divorce? Some people say never under any circumstances. Some people believe you can divorce for any reason. The Bible's position is somewhere in between these extremes, but it is probably more restrictive than you've come to know.

There are two types of divorce: legitimate and illegitimate. The Bible is fairly clear on what constitutes a legitimate divorce. Of course, God never wants a marriage to end in divorce.

God hates divorce and tells us not to break apart what He has joined. All divorce results from sin, but not all divorce is sinful. As Christians we know Christ's triumph over sin allows especially the Christian to forgive and be reconciled to another who repents. Divorce is meant to bring about repentance and restoration, not excuse hardness of heart. God allowed divorce so the adulterer would have the opportunity to repent rather than be stoned to death. In fact, God divorced Israel at one point because of Israel's sin. God's purpose in divorcing Israel was to bring about their eventual repentance (Jer 3:6-10; Hos 2:14-16).

Legitimate divorce is permissible. But even though permissible, it is not required because forgiveness and reconciliation can prevail. There are three circumstances in which divorce is not sinful:

The word for sexual sin (porneia) means illicit sexual intercourse whether either party is married or not, such as: adultery, bestiality, homosexuality, incest, prostitution, fornication. When your marriage ends for one of these reasons, a believer is free to marry another single believer (or someone else who has experienced a legitimate divorce) (1 Cor 7:39). If you marry another person legitimately, you should stay married!

Some divorce is sinful because of our hardness of heart. Illegitimate divorce is wrong and creates a state of obligation - to be reconciled to your ex-spouse or pursue a church restoration process. There are four ways a divorce can be illegitimate:

As you can see, there are two main ways a divorce can be wrong: one, if you want out of the marriage for reasons other than sexual sin, and two, if you are not following the Biblical restoration process. Either case indicates hardness of heart - or deviation from the path of love. When you do divorce illegitimately, God would have you remain unmarried and seek reconciliation and remarriage (unless your former spouse dies or marries another) (1 Cor 7:10-11). If you do sin again by remarrying, God does not want you to change your mind, divorce again, and seek to remarry your first spouse (Deu 24:1-4).

What does this mean if you've had a hard heart as a Christian and are illegitimately divorced? Are you supposed to spend the rest of your life as unmarried? If you want a short answer, it would have to be 'yes'. But being able to legitimately pursue marriage again is possible to the degree you have genuinely repented. Even with illegitimate divorce there is Christ's forgiveness. God is bigger than divorce, yet, remarriage should only be considered with the help of church authority (follow a restoration process and receive their accountability and blessing), time (think years not months), and repentance (evidence of sorrow and spiritual growth). Wisely considering these steps will prevent further complications (another divorce).

I have not covered all possible questions about divorce in this short article. Both of the following resources are excellent guides detailing the Biblical understanding of divorce and remarriage.

Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible by Jay Adams contains more details about this subject.

The Divorce Dilemma by John MacArthur contains a more contemporary discussion of the same subject.